and i’m not even gonna relate this back to my own self, even though i so could

(Stepping up to soap box.)

(Clears throat.)

So I saw this article.

Alumna Sues College Because She Hasn’t Found a Job

Seriously?

This is about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, believe me, I *get* feeling duped by The Man about the promise of a degree or training or whatever contributing to gainful employment. But COME. ON.

You’re suing for the ENTIRE COST of your tuition (plus more for “stress”) because you haven’t found a job THREE MONTHS after you graduated. Puh-lease. Three months. There are thousands of people — families, with children — who have been laid off or otherwise unemployed and looking for jobs for a year or more. Three months? Really?

And $72,000? Because an undergraduate degree in business administration hasn’t scored you whatever job you think you deserve? (I’m assuming you’re not considering taking a job at, say, Home Depot or Target or something, in the meantime.) Seventy-two thousand dollars? With three zeroes?

“As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe’s career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims…

‘They’re supposed to say, ‘I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right — can you interview this person?’ They’re not doing that,’ she said.

Thompson said she has fulfilled her end of the job-search bargain, peppering companies listed on Monroe’s e-recruiting site with cover letters, résumés and phone calls. But no more than two employers have responded to her outreach, and those leads have borne no fruit.

And wait. You have a 2.7? A two? Point seven? As in? A “C+” average? A Ceeeeeeeeeeeee? And you think a company is gonna wanna snatch you up if the career-services person sells you as having an “all right” GPA and “good attendance”? Seriously?

Did you ever consider that you might be a douchebag? And maybe your douchebaggery is the reason no one’s interested in hiring you?

Or that, by SUING YOUR COLLEGE FOR NOT FINDING YOU A JOB, something you were never promised, you sound like the complete and total whinyass bitch that you must be, and no one will ever hire you now? Because? You’re that girl.

“She suggested that Monroe’s Office of Career Advancement shows preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. ‘They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement, she said.’”

Wow. You? Are a fucking genius. And you’ve ALMOST mastered the English language.

The article also mentions that you haven’t hired an attorney because you “can’t afford one.” Don’t despair. I’m sure someone will take you pro bono. Because, you know, you’ve got a rock-solid case. And you must be a joy to work with.

(Stepping off soap box.)